I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
