Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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