so that wasnt chicken after all
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
