so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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