there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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