it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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