ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My ATM looks so different sober.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
