guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
As shirtless as possible
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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