I cannot find my penis.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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