the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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