he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
