Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
