please come you make the beer taste better
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
