Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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