she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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