I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
