We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
