I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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