Can Purell be used as lube?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Less talking, more tequila
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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