I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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