I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
