so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
