dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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