If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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