Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
