they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
