He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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