Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
