Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
