I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think my moral compass just broke
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
