My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
