Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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