So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
