I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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