Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
