All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize