somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
