batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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