this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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