I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
