Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
