The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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