I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
