for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
