remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We need to get me chipped asap
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