i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
