So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
