If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to calm my uterus...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
