the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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