I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
