Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
