hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize