I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
did you just send me my own nude
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
