It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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