You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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