I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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