The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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