Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
