I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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