I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
