Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
