So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
