the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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