What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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