I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize