in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
