yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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