Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
