You just made me feel so damn special
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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