My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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